The Gilligan Conundrum
by Dabbled-at-Euchre
Summary: What if someone wrote a Gilligan's Island computer game? Sheldon/Penny/Leonard/Howard discusses solutions. Takes place sometime during season 2 for the Big Bang Theory. Refers to episode 1x15 of Gilligan's Island. Oneshot.


Setting-Evening in Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Chinese food containers are strewn about. Raj was busy at his apartment calling home, but Leonard, Penny and Howard were watching TV while Sheldon played on his laptop.

As the closing credits were rolling, Sheldon said "Success. I've solved the game."

Penny looked at his screen. Surprised at what she saw, she read aloud "The official unauthorized Gilligan's Island game."

Sheldon explained "A doctoral candidate from the media studies department asked for Beta testers. Howard tried it first."

Penny asked "So you play as a character?" When Sheldon nodded, Penny continued "You picked the Professor?" Sheldon nodded again. "So you got the group back to civilization?"

Sheldon's voice was not particularly condescending. He knew Penny had never played this game. "After eight flawless escape attempts all failed, I realized the program had an Anti-Escape bias. So I reconceptualized. If I couldn't get us back to civilization what parts of civilization should I replicate on the island?"

His friends looked at him encouragingly as he continued "Importing guano from an empty island nearby helped the crops. Using wooden platters means we didn't have to actually touch the stuff. Importing some citrus seedlings, cultivating rice and careful ecological management of bird flocks and pig herds and we can have Chinese food whenever we want."

The others began to look puzzled as if that would not be on their list of things to do as Gilligan's Island characters. Sheldon moved on to his next point.

"One day a Japanese sailor, a holdout from the war attacked us and we drove him off. He had a working miniature submarine. Approximately 20 years after his buddies surrendered, and he's still got that in working order. An absolutely brilliant feat of engineering."

Howard smiled. It was rare that Sheldon appreciated his field.

Sheldon continued. "But that vessel had a small range; it was designed to be launched from a mother ship. So I watched nearby islands for cooking fires, eventually captured him and made him my research assistant. I'd carefully measured Gilligan's field of causing disasters and found it was 20 miles for ordinary things, although it was global for escape attempts. So I set up a camp on a volcanic island 30 miles away and researched on the physics of volcanoes. It was the best I could do with the tools I had available."

Howard wasn't smiling so widely. This was the Sheldon he knew.

Leonard looked at Sheldon's screen. "Sheldon, you and your assistant were killed by molten lava."

Sheldon clearly thought that detail of no importance. "The game wasn't designed with any focus on volcanoes, so the warnings I got were not detailed enough to be telling. Still, after I got cut off, I had time to put my notes in a bottle, jot my conclusions, put the cork in it and throw it in the ocean. A decade or so after I died the bottle will be found and the science of volcanology will be revised."

Penny asked "And your friends will be rescued?"

"Yes. I mentioned their plight in a P. S."

The game over, he got up and went to the bathroom.

Penny said to Leonard "Aren't guys supposed to pick Ginger or Mary Ann?"

"Yes. Howard picked both. Also a third option" he replied.

Howard got a bit of a smile. Penny turned to him and asked "You dated Mrs. Howell?"

Howard reacted as if that was absurd. "Make it with the wife of the man who will finance my lab once I get back? That's just silly. No I picked a moment when lightly dressed natives from another island were visiting and…." He smiled deeper.

"But how'd you date both Ginger and Mary Ann? They tell each other EVERYTHING."

Howard reviewed his strategy. "First I redesigned the off camera latrines for optimal comfort. Then I built fish traps to save on labor. Then I saved the game and then dated Ginger. Then I went back to where I saved and picked up a tribeswoman. Then I went back again and dated Mary Ann."

After a pause Penny looked questioningly at Leonard. Leonard said "I haven't played it. But tell me who would you pick? The Skipper, Gilligan, the Professor, Mr. Howell, or lightly dressed tribesman?"

Penny thought briefly. "Not the dorky one." Although her words indicated Gilligan, she glanced towards Sheldon's spot on the couch. She continued "The Professor. I've seen the actor in a few old movies where he was more of an action man. So I know he has both brains and masculinity when he needs them."

Leonard tried to sort that out while Penny continued "And who would you pick? Ginger or Mary Ann?"

"Who do you think I'd pick?"

"Sweet, simple country girl. Mary Ann."

"I'd pick the improved sweet simple country girl." Penny looked at him questioning. He continued "A lady who moved to Pasadena to follow her dream. After numerous failed auditions she got her big break and became a movie star. Now she's quite glamorous but her heart of gold shows when it needs to."

Leonard was aware that his description of Ginger was more supposition then supported by the canon of episodes. But as Penny the aspiring actress smiled at him, he knew that, like Sheldon, he'd found the solution that worked for him.

The End


End file.
